“Good Afternoon fellow graduates, family members, and friends, we did it. We accomplished a major milestone in our life.” Sound familiar? That’s because that is my graduation speech, or at least what I always imagined it would sound like. These past weeks in quarantine have been filled with many moments; moments of disappointment as I reminisce about my highschool experience, moments when I realize that there are no amount of apologies that will ever be sufficient enough to make me feel okay with how my senior year will come to an end, as I am forced to understand the circumstances we are currently in.
I grew up watching movies that showed how prom was meant to be the highlight of senior year. I heard my family share their own experiences at prom, and even watched my siblings experience this moment throughout the years. Starting senior year, prom was the experience I looked forward to the most, I counted down the days as I tried to convince all of my friends to come. I can still feel the excitement I felt as I bought my dress, only to be told by our class officers in a post on social media that prom was officially cancelled. Then the news that graduation would most likely be “virtual” surfaced as my emotions submerged in an ocean of melancholy. It has been 52 days since school closed and I still can't wrap my head around the fact that all the work I put in these past 12 years will just go unnoticed as I end senior year in the most unimaginable way possible. Maybe everything would have just been easier to process if my highschool experience hadn’t taught me so much, but that’s not the case. I know what it is like to be humiliated by a teacher when I have no idea what the answer is to her question and then have the class laugh at me. I know what it is like to push myself to run 3 miles for a Pe final, and feel completely sore the next day because I am the world's most unathletic person. I know what it is like to pull all nighters without second guessing the consequences just because I wanted my project to be at its full potential. I know what it is like to do a group project all by myself because my team members really just didn’t give a damn. I know what it is like to fail a test just because I had too much on my mind and I couldn’t concentrate on the questions. I know what it is like to cram in a week's worth of homework into one day just so I could study for that upcoming test that could really make or break my grade. I know what it is like to have to teach myself using a textbook and youtube because my teacher didn’t feel like teaching the “lesson of the day”. I know what it is like to have to give up my lunch time, and afterschool time in order to work with my math teacher because math has never been a strength for me. I know what it is like to ignore situations in my personal life, just because I couldn’t afford to lose my focus on school. I know what it is like to have a meltdown in a random place at the worst possible time because of all the stress that piled up when I didn’t notice. I know what all of these things feel like because they have happened to me more than once in highschool. Yet thanks to the corona virus and lack of effort from the school district… I will never know what it feels like to dance the night away at prom. I will never know what it feels like to experience my last Creekchella. I will never know what the final weeks of school feel like as a senior. I will never know what it feels like to look into the eyes of the teachers who helped me out the most these past 4 years as I give them a proper goodbye on the last day of school. I will never be able to see the look on my parents' faces when they see that all the arguments and late nights have paid off as they scramble to find seats at my graduation ceremony. I will never know what the moment before I hear my name called out at my graduation feels like. I will never know what it feels like to take pictures in my cap and gown with my highschool friends as we all come to the realization that we actually made it. I will never get to experience the things that are supposed to make senior year memorable. I understand that this is completely out of our control but quite honestly it doesn’t make me feel any better. Having constant loopmails from the head of the school apologizing for this, doesn’t make me feel “okay”, because no matter what anyone says, this isn’t fair in any way. Having to say goodbye to my teachers and friends through a screen is not normal. I know some adults and other teenagers don’t see this through my eyes, but then again they aren’t in my position. Dear class of 2020 I’m just going to say it... this actually sucks. |